Hey! Pick-up Line Tuesday!

So Canada day approaches. I wish it was tomorrow. We need to give this holiday some Powerthirst, stat. I need a break from my computer screen because I'm pretty sure, my eyes just started bleeding.. Yep.

I am almost through with school. Good riddance. Who needs yeh. Ugh. In two weeks I will have successfully completed 2 degrees, sans break. That's right folks. No time off for this guy. I powered through that shit. And even though this school year has been one of the hardest years of my life, some good came out of it. I'm going to be traveling in October after my Convocation, I will be a certified teacher, I've made some great friends, learned that I can cook, came out of my 2 year poetry block, made a successful vampire deck in Magic, the list goes on.

I am rather on the exhausted side at the moment. I'm beginning to fall asleep at my computer.

I'll give you the Pick-Up Line for Today in a moment... first some necessary cuteness:


If Pikachu was real....


And now for today's Pick-Up Line, probably one of the creepiest:

"The voices in my head told me to come talk to you."

Joyeux Mardi!

My brain just pooped

How can I focus on school work when I constantly distract myself with gems like this?

Diamond in the rough more like.

Open Boundaries

So I jigged my first class today. (That's "skipped" for those of you who don't live in New Brunswick.) I'm working on assignments though, so I feel like it is justified. I am also sipping on Earl Grey and eating a homemade cornmeal muffin. Yum! Oh, and enjoying this nice little sun patch on my bed. I found myself stretching, listening to each vertebrae pop before curling up again and purring. No wait, that was Eric. I'm currently collaborating with my old buddy from High School Kyle von Pyle, to write a song (perhaps two) for Kate and Todd's wedding. This is very exciting, especially since we are both on the same wavelength entirely. Kyle suggested a Miles Davis, Joni Mitchell inspired piece and I almost fell over backwards because that was exactly what I wanted. Hurrah! That makes things a lot easier. We have a lot of time to do it too, so there is no feeling of pressure. It will be our gift to our two best friends. We just want to create a piece of art for them to commemorate their special day and solid union. They lurrrrrrrve each other.
As a side note... this video is amazing:



"Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum."

And now for Pick-up Line Tuesday

"My love for you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in."


Happy Tuesday!

Magic Monday

Shane,

Your Eldrazi deck is a dirty dick. It splinters my balls.

That is all.

Cloverz

Welly, welly welly, welllllllll. It has been forever and a day since my last post. I think it was sometime in October. I have become terrible at blogging, which = terrible at life. (Just kidding, I'm awesome.) I can't think of a better day to hop back on that pogo stick of the blogging world than St. Patty's day. It is 9:48 and I am drinking the worlds best coffee from the Cedar Tree with a splash of the ol'Irish Cream. This used to be my usual morning ritual during my undergrad. I remember the frequent sniffs and looks from the 95 other students in my lecture-based courses wondering who the alcoholic was drinking at 8AM. Pfffft. Whatever, they all wished they had Bailey's in their coffee. Let's not kid ourselves here.

So here's to old habits. I raise my recyclable to-go cup with the plastic top to the leprechauns who pushed the Bailey's to the front of the other condiments and random things on the shelf in the pantry.

One old habit that I am working on kicking, is the pants of dirty ol'butts. That means ciggy's to the world outside of my own head where language is proper and makes sense. This is my 4th day without a cigarette. Hurrah!

I feel the need to use this image to represent my St. Patrick's day post.


Once my seizure surpassed (alliteration alert!), I was reminded of my sister and how we both used to love the Carebears. I also remember the episode that gave her nightmares for weeks. Does anyone remember the episode with the vampire and the "Roooom of Dooooom?" Anyway I guess she had recurring nightmares of being inside a castle without any way to escape and the floor slowly opening to the depths of her death. Imagine. Carebears nightmares.

Well suhs and m'ams, I better get groovin' to the library to actually attempt some school nonsense.

Wear some green, kick up them heels and get sloshed on this fine day. Find a four-leaf clover and find that pot-o-gold at the end of that rainbow. Until next time. I promise that won't be next year.

Tally-ho!

"Why?"

This guy is hands-down one of my favorite comedians.

He is brutal, but pretty much spot on with most of his material.
This is one of my favorite sketches.





"So I'm standing in the closet, like an asshole..."

Hahaha. Genius.

Children are artists

I am at the HIL trying to finish this paper that was due on Tuesday... this is typical behaviour considering I am awful at deadlines. What can I say, I'm a pretentious artist; I make my own deadlines. (If only that excuse really worked.)

I've decided to update my blog for once to warm up for the first paper I have written in almost a year. I'm a bit on the rusty side. It's only a 5 pager, so it should be easy-peasy. We'll see. I need to kick this papers ass.

I learned some great tips from this guy:


Went to see Zombieland last night. It was a good movie to see in theaters- lots of action, lots-o-laffs, undead boobies(a classic element included most zombie films), etc. Don't go in expecting Shaun of the Dead, because you will be disappointed. Do however, expect one of the most amazing cameos you will ever witness. Hurrah!

I got dropped off to an empty house after the movie(and after Shaner insisted on going to Gamezilla to pick up some rare Magic cards. Yeah, I know...)
It was pretty brutal. I kept hearing creepy noises in the kitchen, so I pretty much just hid in my bedroom (with weapons of course) in case any undead got the bright idea to chow down on my leg. Gemma came home around 11:30 to save my life (and allow me to escape my room for a tinkle.)

'Tis Thanksgiving weekend, and I am off to my cousins wedding on Saturday after work. I'm excited because my family from Arizona is here, so I get a chance to spend some time (drink) with them. Then it is homework time. I have some severe catching up to do. SEVERE.

Also, I found a beautiful(vintage) sheep's-leather vest for $12 yesterday. I love my life.

Alone again, Naturally.

It has been a while since I have posted anything. This has been, quite possibly, the most bizarre summer I have ever witnessed. I don't just mean the weather we have experienced, which most would qualify as "dismal". I however, really don't mind the rain. I work all the time anyway so I don't really have to be outside in it. I love the sound of it pounding against the asphalt in the alleyway beneath my windows. I find it soothing. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the sun too. I however, would have to consider myself a true Canadian and say that I prefer Autumn and Winter. I just can't handle the extreme humidity and heat that comes with our "normal" summers. The perfect weather for me is sunny with cloudy periods at a temperature of 18 degrees. That, my friends, is sweatshirt and shorts weather (and what I would consider as perfect.)

I say this summer has been bizarre because of all the weird vibes that have been floating around between everyone. I don't mean anyone specifically, I just mean everyone..

I begin my BEd at the end of August, move into a new apartment, I caved and got a cell phone. (I am "hip and with it" now apparently. Although the technology is beyond me. I'll figure it out though.)

My big family do is this weekend. Should be a good time.

Well, I can't think of anything else to write, so I will go eat some toast.
and maybe watch this:



Until next time.


The End.

Super Nintendo is foolish

Just so you know, I will always beat you at Super Mario Kart.

Because I play dirty.

Heh.



and now for Pick-up Line Tuesday!

Today's Pick-up Line:

"You have the same name as my Mom... she died of cancer.
......
Can I buy you a drink?"

(and yes, that one was actually used on me.)

Set yourself on fire.

Phew!
It has been awhile since my last post. I am supposed to be studying for my final exam right now, which is on Wednesday. As per usual, I am procrastinating. I have my last class today for review and questions about the essays we have to write. Yes, I have to write three 5 page essays in three hours. She gave us the questions though so we can prepare, but now she will be expecting more and will mark harder. Bah.
I have some reading to catch up on I think. But right now, java is the most important thing to me right now. (Hurry up and brew Mothalicka!)

My weekend was unreal. I can't even describe its awesomeness right now. In short, there was a dance part-ay (and I mean PART-AY), a motorcycle ride to grand lake to laugh at my drunk parentals and their friends, gourmet hamburgers with cheese inside of them (Imagine!)... the list goes on. Blew my mind. I would say my weekend was comparable to this:

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

Rapturous.

Log Driver's Waltz

I have had this song stuck in my head for weeks and could never remember what it was from. All I could remember was that it was from my childhood. An artist friend of mine posted it on her Facebook and I almost fell off my chair. I've been experiencing a lot of coincidences this week. Perhaps I should seek out an existentialist detective. (Fuckabees.)



(Classically Canadian. woot.)


I am sitting on my couch with my fleece blanket and a cup of joe. I might make some cookies today. End!

Worst.Blogger.Ever.

Wow. I am terrible at blogging this month. It has been rather crazy so far. I am working 7 days a week at the book store, (actually, 5 evenings and 2 days. ANYWAY.)and taking an intersession course this month as well. There is so much reading involved. I'm glad I picked a good course. Fack.

I'm starting to get really excited for summer. I'm going to finally have the chance to skip town a few times this year. I'll be heading to the island with Marie at some point, visiting my Jade in Moncton, camping trips, hopefully a few climbing trips, and HOPEFULLY I'll get to Montreal as well. I have never been and have always wanted to... Mostly to check out the incredibly hot chicks I have been hearing so much about.

So it seems I have gained my "Freshman 15" about 3 years too late. It is fantastic. You have no idea how long I have been waiting to finally have boobs. Needless to say, I have added playing with them to my list of favorite hobbies. I just made that up actually... I don't really have a list of favorite hobbies. But if I DID...


I ended up at reggae night with Marie last night. It wasn't too bad. We spent most of the time in the bathroom analyzing crazy dream we have been having lately. We stumbled back to my place and munched on cookies and taters with ranch sauce. I showed her my Blip.fm thing and we indulged in some hilarious 90's music that brought back some memories. That was my rapturous moment of the day.

And now, it is time to suck the day's dick.

Aurevoir (pour le moment)

Missed the boat

So it appears that I have missed Pick-up Line Tuesday this week. I have been super busy lately. Last weekend and this week consisted mostly of cleaning the old apartment with the ex-wife (and catching him taking a bath in my sparkling tub that I took an hour of my time to buff all the water stains out. Did I mention this was on the same day that our landlord was supposed to come and do the walk-through? Ugh.) That bathroom was freaking spotless though. I washed down all of the walls, scrubbed the floor until I could see my face in it, made the tub and sink sparkle, and of course disinfected every surface with Lysol (because I am insane).

I got amazing news on Wednesday evening. My mom and I went back to her place after feeding my Grampie so she could change before she took me home. I told her I would stay in the car. She checked her mail and threw a fat envelope at me through the window before heading inside the house. It had the UNB logo on it, which was great because I was expecting a cheque from the Women's Studies department for the poster I designed for them. (Art school paid off for once.) Anyhew, long story short, it was not a cheque but a letter from the Education department. I got as far as "Congratulations! Welcome to UNB!" before I started bawling my eyes out in the car. I ran inside to tell my Mom, and she opened the door when I got to the top step. She saw my tears and was like "WTF?" and I just yelled, "I got in!!!". She jumped back about ten feet and then we both started jumping up and down and screaming like idiots in the kitchen. I'm sure the neighbors were thrilled (or they thought we were murdering kittens). So my dream of becoming the weirdo Art Teacher is coming true. The program starts in August. I am so nervous/ excited.

As a side note. I wish I could be in St. Andrews right now for Paddlefest. Boo.

To celebrate (You're going to love my nuts):


Lates.

Call me, I'll edit your photos. Srsly.

Man, I love bad Photoshop jobs. Especially for corporations that I dislike. It makes it that much sweeter. I mean, where do they find their photo editors?

Here is an example of what I am talking about.

First off, this ad is for Peta. I could go on for hours about that alone. I cannot stand Peta. I mean, I do believe in saving animals. However, constantly exploiting women to promote those values as well as creating ads that basically endorse violence against women by using images of shackled and bruised female celebrities? hmmmmmmmmm.
So anyway, back to Photoshop. Everytime I look at this image, I have to laugh. Whoever edited this needs to go back to night school and take a course on basic Photoshop. It isn't rocket science. They airbrushed her so much that she doesn't even look human. (Where are her knees?!?) They also went overboard with the weight adjustments and didn't pay attention to basic human proportion rules. Her head looks huge in comparison to the rest of her body. Like she should be a plastic figurine on my desk with a creepy smile - head bobbin' away. The angel wings are alright I guess. It is probably the only thing they did get right. This could also use some major exposure and colour adjustments. She looks like a goddamn Oompa-Loompa.
What people do not realize, is that less is more when it comes to Photoshop. Or at least making it look like less is more. A good editor will make the photograph appear like it has not been edited at all. Subtlety is definitely the way to go.

The slogan also really bothers me. I get what they are going for but do they not realize that when you adopt at a shelter, you still have to pay to adopt it? Therefore, you are buying the animal. In addition, if you don't buy the animals at the pet shop what do you think happens to them? They are either euthanized or sent to a shelter for you to adopt. So this slogan really doesn't make sense because in the end, you will always be buying the animal.

Well, there is my nerdy rant for the day.

Oh yeah, today is Pick-up Line Tuesday.

Today's Line:

"The word of the day is "legs". Let's go back to my place and spread the word."

Happy Tuesday!

Caturday

Well folks, it is time for another mandatory Caturday post.

I mean look at this guy... srsly.
My emotions are so upset with me right now for posting this kitteh. They aren't sure whether to cry or laugh so they both said "fuck you", packed their bags and left me to deal with anger. (What a pissy little cunt.)

Brie and bagel time!
Because I'm an idiot and passed on a BBQ.
Perhaps I will go out tonight.

Perhaps.

Mug Shot

Happy A to M Friday everyone! (Mainly Shane.)

I found my Unicorn mug. I was so sad without it. My Mom bought it for me when I was 10 and it has been my favorite mug ever since. (For obvious reasons... I mean Unicorns are pretty much my favorite animal, other than Ligers.) I have a habit of leaving things in places I can never remember. My mind wanders. This time I left my mug in my Mother's car, which I do not remember doing at all. She brought it back to me today and I might have peed a little with excitement. She also came with some Mr. Noodles. It is a good day! I could eat Mr. Noodles for weeks on end without noticing. Probably not the healthiest choice, but my Doc did say I needed more sodium in my diet, so bring on the noodles.

I kicked Facebook to the curb yesterday and it was a good decision. I'm going to start running soon too. Bright and early every morning this summer. By that I mean 6AM. I am an early riser anyway so I might as well do something useful with that extra time. I'm rambling now.

I have my last exam on Wednesday. Ahhhhhh.

My sister came over Tuesday night and we had a nice little visit. We chowed down on butter-saturated popcorn and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It started out a little slow, but ended up being a really good movie. I recommend it for sure. Especially if you like full frontal male nudity. (Right, Jamie? heh.)

Oh and I also GET MY KITTY NEXT WEEK! I'M SO EXCITED THAT I CAN'T STOP YELLING! Okay, I'm done.

Have a good weekend everyone.
And remember, in certain situations, it is okay to go ass to mouth. (Clerks II)

Happy Wednesday

Although I am sick today,
I could not pass on the opportunity to post this video.

Since it is Hump Day and all.




Kudos to the guy being humped. He knew what was going on and couldn't have handled it better.

Jaggerbombs

Welcome to another installment of Pick-up Line Tuesdays

First, before I give you the line,
you need to picture this guy saying it.



I'm sure you have all seen this video before because it is a classic (not unlike meatspin.com or tubgirl) But I just felt I should set the tone.


Today's Pick-up Line:

"I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs."

Well, I finally got sick. Typical, since it is exam time. I was doing so well. I didn't get sick all winter. Anyhew, I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and it is worse today. Boourns. Today will be a couch day. Well, after I do some unnecessary cleaning because I am a clean-freak. THEN it will be a couch day.

Lates.

Minivan

"Don't you know what the Minivan is?"
"No."
"You know... two in the front five in the back?"
"...Wait, you mean five in the stink?"

Bahaha.
So I haven't posted in awhile and figured that I probably should. I haven't even been busy. I had a good weekend though, despite the fact that all of my friends went to the Neil Young concert without me. I am thankful that a few people stayed home, like Marie, Amanda, Ashley and le Shawn. We had a fun Saturday evening despite the fact that we were all pretty tired. We headed to Amanda's place for a few drinks and then headed to Boom! to get silly and dance the night away. We then ventured to Luna for our usual late-night poutine run and got completely harassed by a couple of typical meat-head douche-bags who thought they were cool because they degrade women publicly.



I kind of love this band right now. I'm not even sure how to label the music. It's like 80's mixed with contemporary electro/ indie. Hmmm.

Anyhew. Coffee time, then I think I will take a walk, run some errands, hang with the Shane, etc. Enjoy the day!

ummm......

Happy Hump day?




As a side note.
This Iguana is huge. That little girl is definitely a kid version of me. Who am I kidding, I would still crawl after a beach iguana.